Founder of Australian fashion, beauty and lifestyle PR and Communications Agency, The Grey Consulting, Jayde Balderston has met some extraordinary people in her life and career, and she’d like you to meet them too. I’m a little energetic - in my work, life, love, and my crazy brain. I'm Jayde Balderston, founder and owner of The Grey Consulting. In my more than 15 years in Public Relations, communications and brand in the global market, I've met some extraordinary people – driven, creative and brilliant. I've heard many amazing stories of success – and of course, failure – in life and business - and I've learned so much from those around me – so I’m going to share their wisdom, warmth, wit, hysterical and heartbreaking stories. I also have a secret. A health battle like no other. 18-years of endometriosis, two-bouts of cervical cancer, and to top it all off, I had a hysterectomy at 31. I fucking hate whinging (and whingers), but I do it so well. So this podcast is an information lifeline and chat-fest with the people who helped me get on top of it, and get on with it. We're all a little clueless, but we can get smarter every day. Apologies in advance for any offence to my swearing (you'd be surprised how cathartic it is) and THANK YOU for listening! Find me, follow me, rate me, subscribe to me (I love it) Follow @TheGreyConsulting (GREY WITH AN E) Visit: Endometriosis Australia Dr Won - Female GYNO Dr Olivia Andrews - Newport Doctors Dr Alina Stoita - Gastroenterologist The Grey Consulting But first, meet Jayde.
I’m a little energetic - in my work, life, love, and my crazy brain.
I'm Jayde Balderston, founder and owner of The Grey Consulting. In my more than 15 years in Public Relations, communications and brand in the global market, I've met some extraordinary people – driven, creative and brilliant.
I've heard many amazing stories of success – and of course, failure – in life and business - and I've learned so much from those around me – so I’m going to share their wisdom, warmth, wit, hysterical and heartbreaking stories.
I also have a secret. A health battle like no other. 18-years of endometriosis, two-bouts of cervical cancer, and to top it all off, I had a hysterectomy at 31.
I fucking hate whinging (and whingers), but I do it so well. So this podcast is an information lifeline and chat-fest with the people who helped me get on top of it, and get on with it.
We're all a little clueless, but we can get smarter every day.
Apologies in advance for any offence to my swearing (you'd be surprised how cathartic it is) and THANK YOU for listening!
Find me, follow me, rate me, subscribe to me (I love it)
Follow @TheGreyConsulting (GREY WITH AN E)
Visit:
Jayde (00:03):
Hi, welcome to Clueless Confessions. I'm Jayde Balderston, founder and owner of The Grey Consulting. In my more than 15 years in public relations, comms, and brand in the global market, I've met some extraordinary people. Driven, creative and brilliant. I've heard many amazing stories of success and, of course, failure in life and in business. And I've learned so much from those around me. So I'm going to share their wisdom, warmth, wit, hysterical and heartbreaking stories. We're all a little clueless, but we can get smarter every day. So hop in, enjoy the ride, and if I come to a stop sign, I'll totally pause.
Jayde (00:42):
That pain that I had from a child was getting worse. These people are my people. (singing). It's been a damn, shitty, rough, hard run, I'll tell you that much. "Maybe she's a bit of a hypochondriac." "The expectation is there should be gravy." "I've had cancer and a hysterectomy." Today's episode of the podcast touches on a bit of a background on who I am, which includes my health background and experience, mental health, relationships, and of course, profession. I would describe myself as, well, I have to say a publicist. It is who I am and what I do a hundred percent. I'm also a great friend, great with relationships. I am hardworking, caring, and super-duper energetic.
Jayde (01:38):
Oof, if I have to stick to three words that is an absolute toughie, definitely resilient. It absolutely has to be at the top of my list. And it's interesting, because you don't think that that's who you are or what you are, but I'm now definitely at a stage and age where I can look back and be so proud of the resilience that I have. Another way to describe relationships, they're just so important to me. Family, friends, but also my colleagues, the people I work with, it makes my heart sing, and it makes me feel like I'm doing me as a person. Third, I am incredibly conscious, which I think makes me incredibly caring, empathetic from what I've gone through. But the awareness that I carry around me, I think is so strong, that I am quite susceptible to being aware of how people might be feeling around me, or what they're going through.
Jayde (02:40):
But yeah, as a young child, when let's say the health journey started. I struggle with the word journey sometimes as well. It's almost like, "This amazing experience." And don't get me wrong, it's been an experience, but I wouldn't necessarily say amazing. And journey, I feel like is positive, and it should be, but I don't know, it almost sounds a bit cliche to me. It's been a damn, shitty, rough, hard run, I'll tell you that much. And I'm going to preface that we're totally going to swear on this podcast, it's who I am. And I also think you can't go through what I've gone through and not have a couple of swear words in the bank.
Jayde (03:21):
So first of all, I started feeling just really sick as a young child, so I always felt very unwell. And so during that time I was taken to a couple of GPs. My parents were taking me to see our local GP and everything, men of course, in the day, in the '80s. And I just wasn't really feeling that great, I had lots of stomach pains and things like that. And a lot of the time, "Maybe she's a bit of a hypochondriac. It might just be getting attention." And around a similar time, we experienced a horrific accident in our family, where my dad was hit by [inaudible 00:04:01] car. And my brother and him were rushed to hospital, and it was an horrific experience in itself. I watched it happen, was left at the home when everyone was taken off to the hospital, and I was with neighbors.
Jayde (04:14):
And so from that point onwards, my mental health then started to suffer a little bit. So wonderful parents, my parents put me straight into therapy. I was seeing Dr. John Irvine at the age of, I think, nine years old or something. But then as the years went by, getting into my early teens, that pain that I had from a child was getting worse, and it was getting more debilitating. And I was so much more aware of it, and I had a problem with it. It was definitely at that point, I was heading off to Newtown Performing Arts high school. I'd been performing since I was walking, singing, dancing, acting, all of those sorts of things. So once again, high energy, big personality, creative. Therefore possibly a massive hypochondriac, and possibly just really seeking out attention from those around you.
Jayde (05:07):
But I didn't feel well and I was hurting a lot. So that's those first years of going through the pain and everything. And then as I started to get older, and things like started to get my period and all of that, not experiencing it in the same way as other young women were. Not that there's really a normal period, I started to just be so much more aware that there was something wrong with my body. And I was allowed to know that there was something wrong, and we needed to go and seek out some more help for that. So I was ready to have my first pap smear. I had just started at university, so I was up in Armidale, and so up North New South Wales, just a bit up from Tamworth.
Jayde (05:51):
So I was in the country, completely out of my comfort zone. It was after my first term, I called mum and said, "Coming back for term holidays, I think I'm ready for my first pap smear." I'd been sexually active, very open family, talked about that sort of stuff. And she was like, "Absolutely, you would totally be ready for this." So booked in, and I got home and went to Terrigal GP and had my first pap smear done. I arrived up North, on my way back to uni. I stopped in to stay with a friend, and the GP who had done my pap smear called me at the house. That was very early days of mobile phones, I believe. So she didn't call me on the mobile, she called me on their house phone and asked me if I was sitting down.
Jayde (06:35):
And I think I laughed out loud and said, "You've got to be shitting me, what a cliche way of talking to somebody." I said, "I'm not sitting, so please just hit me with what you've got." Basically my pap had come back with abnormal cells. It looked like I had HPV, which is human papillomavirus, which was mortifying. At the time, I thought I was gross with an STD. It's incredibly common, people can have HPV and not even know they're carrying it. And off the back of that, because of the cells and everything, they were like, "Well, we need to go in and do lap surgery, the way to find endometriosis." And that's the first time I've said it so far, but we'll hear this word so much through lots of people we get to meet throughout this podcast, but also my own experiences.
Jayde (07:32):
I came out of that surgery, and it turned out I was riddled with endometriosis, and I also had low-grade cervical cancer. So I'm 18, I'm in my first year of university. I'm not living at home, and it really started to shake things up. So in a way I was, "Thank God. There's something that's been recognized and it's a real thing. Oof, I'm not a liar, I'm not a hypochondriac, but okay, now you've got to deal with all of this." So this is, what, 2003? We didn't have a lot of information about endometriosis. We really didn't know properly what it was.
Jayde (08:12):
So once again, I'm still carrying in my head that I'm gross, and dirty, and possibly have this gross disease. So I was feeling a little bit funny about that, but also the lack of information and understanding at that point too. I am an 18 year old woman who... I was about to be 19, sexually active, super strong. And then the discussion of babies started to be thrown around, that just completely threw me off right there. And for any one out there who has had endometriosis diagnosed in the early 2000s and through, it was very much about, "As a woman, how can we make sure you can have a baby off the back of all of this?"
Jayde (08:53):
And so that's [inaudible 00:08:55] something that we'll definitely go into a bit deeper, but so lots of questions start happening. You start medication, treatments start, there's lots of options out there for treatments. I sometimes do this thing where I want to be so strong, and just so okay with everything, but I almost don't pay enough attention. So I feel like I didn't do enough reading, but then I'm wondering, "Was there even readings to be done?" I feel like I just went, "Cool, I've got this thing, let's deal with it." And what, I'm 35 and we're still talking about it, it wasn't that easy.
Jayde (09:35):
So endometriosis is where, what is similar to the lining inside our uterus is actually sitting on the outside of our uterus and our organs. So it almost has a scar tissue type look and feel to it in a way. And it can also be a bit catch-22 for the fact that to find endometriosis, you need to go in to do the surgery. Well, when I was going through this, and maybe tech has changed at this point, but I don't believe so much yet. You can't just do a couple of ultrasounds, and have a look around, and go, "Oh yeah, there's endo, there's endo, we can see it." You need to go inside. So when I was first starting, they were doing LASIK surgery. So they were lasering off the endometriosis.
Jayde (10:24):
And when I say riddled, I mean, my organs were riddled, smothering my bowel, smothering my ovaries and my cervix. And it was really quite intense in terms of how much there was. Throughout my years, it was getting worse and worse, and the surgeries... It just felt like a never-ending sort of a cycle that I was going through. And the endometriosis started moving further up my body, heading up towards my kidneys, and my lungs, and things like that. So it got to a point where I went through a few different surgeons, and the final one who I, and I say still work with today. She was the one who did some of my really big surgeries not that long ago, she's still a part of my team. Dr. HaRyun Won went in to do my regular lap surgery, she went a little deeper than she'd usually go, and she found the cervical cancer again. I was 30, just about to be 31. Yeah.
Jayde (11:24):
I'm looking at over 18 surgeries by this stage. And this was the point where, so they went in, the endometriosis was just, once again, crazy amounts. Cervical cancer was back, I have a history of ovarian cancer in my family, we've lost family members to it, it's such a high risk. I've had family members with prostate cancer and breast cancer. And so my surgeon, after coming out and saying, "You're riddled still with endo, your cancer is back. You're not looking very great." So she took my case to, I think, The Medical Board of Australia, they chat every now and again and look at cases that are a little bit different. And the decision was made and put forward to me that I should have a full hysterectomy. So something I have to jump up and down, and shout about all the time when I talk about endometriosis and then mention hysterectomy, I need to stress that hysterectomy is not a cure for endometriosis.
Jayde (12:23):
We do not know what the cure is yet. I am not in any way saying, "Go and get a hysterectomy, it'll get rid of your endo." I had cancer as well, I was really unwell. It was in my body's best interest to remove those organs, which then in turn removed a lot of the endometriosis. But it's also not that easy, because I still have endo to this day around my bowel, and we're going through that stuff again at the moment. But I did, at the age of 31, go through and have a full hysterectomy. And so this is, I think, definitely where I can say we can look back at the three key people, at that team I talk about. So my GP, Dr. Olivia Andrews out at Newport. If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't have found Dr. HaRyun Won. I then found my bowel surgeon, Dr Alina Stoita, who I literally was in with a couple of weeks ago.
Jayde (13:23):
She's the one who now takes out all my bowel polyps, and all my precancerous bowel polyps that I have. So they're the three key... And all women, and I'm pretty proud of that. This amazing team of women who just know their shit, and make me feel really comfortable. I'm not a quiet, sit down, wait to be told kind of a person. I am asking questions, I am pushing for answers. If I don't feel great, or I'm uncomfortable, you will know about it. I made it very clear that it's really uncomfortable to send women who can't have babies, and are going through hysterectomy and the rest of it, into a waiting room where there are numerous pregnant women with their spouses sitting around you.
Jayde (14:05):
I'm going in to get ultrasounds to check that I'm ready for my full surgeries, and here I am sitting next to women who are super excited about their baby. I didn't feel sorry for me, I felt sorry for them. I had this nasty-ass look on my face, I didn't want to be there. I was pissed off, I was angry. And I'm sitting in this room that was like smelt really lovely, and was lavender, and it just really did my head in. Experiences like that were just horrific. Off the back of that, and I'm going to add a fourth person into the mix, my psychologist/psychiatrist. You can't go through all of those things and not be a little funny in the head. For such a big fall that I've had from a health perspective, but such big highs with pushing through, and being successful, and having my business, and enjoying life. Something has got to give sometimes, and sometimes that's my mental health. So that fourth person is just as important, I think, in my team and happens to be a woman as well.
Jayde (15:14):
So for anyone who actually knows me, knows I love a bit of hot chips and gravy, I'm a savory freak, and anything potato. So hysterectomy is probably one of the toughest things I've gone through in my entire life. Hands down, the hardest thing I've ever, ever done. And we'll get to the whole mentalness that comes with it. And for anyone, hysterectomy is rough, menopause in general is tough. And you go through that with hysterectomy, and at 31 it's really rough. So I started to be able to walk around a bed, and I decided I was totally ready for hot chips and gravy, and figured that Deliveroo could have used a bit of a break, to be fair. So went for my first walk, I don't even think I bothered getting dressed properly, because I was just so proud of myself.
Jayde (15:58):
And in my head I kept being like, "I had a hysterectomy, fuck you. I can be whoever I want." So the charcoal chicken shop up the road, which let's just say, charcoal chicken, the expectation is there should be gravy. Anyway, go in at lunchtime to get my chips and gravy, so excited. And the guy turned around and said, "Oh, sorry, there's no gravy. We have no gravy today." Let's say again, charcoal chicken shop is supposed to have gravy. And I was like, "What the fuck?" And I got a little bit bummed about it. Okay, probably quite audibly and overtly bummed out about it. The woman next to me, standing there with her Inner West amazingness, and her Missoni pram, scoffed at the chicken guy, looked at me and went, "Ah, some people just have to have their gravy."
Jayde (16:49):
In usual circumstances, no, I'd probably still do this. I basically turned around and I was like, "Fuck you, I've had cancer and a hysterectomy." And then took my $2.50 back off the counter and stormed out the chicken shop. And then I stood out the front of the chicken shop, like, "Holy crap, what have I just done?" I acted like such a rude person, it was horrific. I always actually think about that poor woman that I yelled at and said, "Fuck you." to, because it was pretty horrific, but I felt horrific. I was super angry, and I was just pissed off with the world basically. And just more so, the lack of my ability to be as strong as I think I should be. And having to understand that I had gone through a lot and needed to take a moment. And still telling myself that, so I still don't know if I've taken a moment.
Jayde (17:42):
I have what I would call my backbone, which is my partner, Phil. It's a tough one to go through all these different types of things and not have great relationships around you. And my number one is my wonderful partner, Phil Barker. So we actually had a mentor relationship for years and years, and we were just really great friends. Then over the years I got older and he got older. And as I got older, the 20 year age gap wasn't as weird anymore. Late forties when I was late twenties, wasn't as weird as early forties, early twenties. So we actually off this friendship, formed a partnership and a relationship off the back of that. He had known about my endometriosis and everything over the years, and what I'd gone through.
Jayde (18:27):
And then the hysterectomy hit, and the cancer came back, and it was the hysterectomy. And that is when you're physically going through things. You're in pain, you're hurting, it's hard to go to the bathroom. And that's embarrassing when you've got a partner who... I tell you what you, if anyone who goes through any surgeries where you have to bowel prep, have a hysterectomy, or do anything around the stomach or the bowel, or anything like that, your relationship is open pretty quickly. Basically what they did is they knocked me into menopause for a short period of time to see how my body was responding. I responded better in a menopause state than I was naturally. So that's when they were like, "Let's get all the organs out for the hysterectomy." There's a couple of different kinds, I had the full one. So ovaries, fallopian, everything is gone. And I'm about to get my appendix out in a few weeks as well.
Jayde (19:17):
So I joke that I should weigh about 20 kilos, there's nothing inside me. But you definitely don't weigh 20 kilos after a hysterectomy. Then there's the weight that comes with it too, that's always really fun. And you're not feeling great in the head, your body feels like shit, you're struggling because you've lost all your hormones in your body. And then they're introducing you to synthetic hormones, and you're getting fat, and it feels really hard. Physically, I just wanted to have this massive sign of my forehead that was like, "Just give me a fucking break. I've had cancer, I've had a hysterectomy, just give me a moment." Cover up the swearing, cover up the feeling crap in public, covering up the hot flashes that literally lasted me for about 12 months. I couldn't go anywhere without people being like, "Are you okay, you look really wet and hot?"
Jayde (20:08):
And I did most of the time, so all those wonderful things, and then you've got this partner by my side. And you'll hear me say partner a lot, Phil and I aren't married, and I feel like he's way too old to be called my boyfriend. And it's been way too long, we're coming on like nine years or something. I think that he's my partner in life, work, all those sorts of things. And I won't lie, we've had moments, and it's been super challenging, and it's so hard, but I've had the same with my friends and family, with myself. It's tough for the people around you. It's hard enough for you to deal with, and I couldn't even imagine how my friends and family have to... what they go through too.
Jayde (20:50):
When I was at university, I was studying psychology, completely separate to who I am and what I do now. Probably has helped along the way. I moved to Sydney, and I was finishing my degree via correspondence and just finding myself a bit. I was really struggling mental health wise, body wise in these early days of the first round of the early cervical cancer and endometriosis diagnosis, and stuff like that. I did some work experience at Marie Claire magazine in the wardrobe, thinking, "Maybe I'll be in magazines." Still didn't really know what it all was, but I was like, "Fashion is my thing, I've been collecting Vogues and Marie Claires since the early '90s." And then I got an opportunity to do some work experience at an agency, Torstar Communications, totally canceled work. I was like, "I don't care about the money. This sounds like a really great opportunity."
Jayde (21:46):
I first of all had no idea what PR or public relations was, literally did not know what I was walking into. All I knew is they wanted someone who could move quick, do the job, be professional, and represent. And I was like, "I can do those things no matter what." Anyway, the next day I was off to work in my retail job, and I got a phone call from Torstar Communications offering me the account coordinator job that they had. I took it, I didn't even ask what the salary was. I just said, "Yes. When do you want me to start?" And I started the following Monday. I think I knew I was supposed to be around these people, and in this space. I just had this feeling that this was supposed to be. I'm not really like, "Everything happens for a reason." I was like, "These people are my people." They hustled all night, and they looked bloody amazing doing it, in our black dress, and our high black heels that were part of our PR, door bitch uniform. And that is where it started over 15 years ago.
Jayde (22:44):
Over the years I did different agencies, and worked my way around, and up as well. And I got to a point, at just over five years ago, where I just couldn't quite break through the ceiling any further. I was at the top, I was a general manager of a public relations agency, and I knew that it was possibly supposed to be my time to go and have a crack at doing this. A girlfriend of mine, we dabbled in a business together for a bit, and we did a really great job. But we were just running around, banging into walls a little bit, not really sure what we were doing, and possibly not making a single cent.
Jayde (23:20):
Then I decided that it had to be mine and I needed to do something. I kept saying to Phil, and this is over wine, we were actually writing this down on a coaster. I believe the coaster is somewhere in the office somewhere. And I said something like, "It's just not black and white. PR is not black and white, there's no same solution for everyone." I was like, "It's fucking gray or something." Phil was scribbling, scribbling, brand and everything. And then he's like, "The Grey." Held up The Grey, and I was like, "The Grey Consulting." And that's where The Grey Consulting came from. So names obviously come from really different places, and some people might name things after their children, or pets, or whatever.
Jayde (24:11):
So Clueless Confessions, Clueless as in the movie. Amy Heckerling, Alicia Silverstone, and Cher Horowitz, I lived and breathed and it was the absolute... I'm not religious, so let's say that in 1995, I found my God. And she was in yellow plaid and she went, "Whatever." And did all these crazy things. And I just fell in love with the idea and the ideal of this young woman figuring out who she was in this world, and then have pretty much watched the movie once a week for the last... How long is that, 25 years? Oh, wow, okay. It's my calm, relax movie. It makes me feel great, the colors are beautiful, I love the sound, so I can legitimately tell you the movie. I can sing all the songs, so huge love for Clueless. What I also love about it is, and because I did the comparative text, I get what the theme, the underlying essence of Clueless actually is, and it's about learning and growing.
Jayde (25:23):
And as I said earlier, I bump into walls all over the place. And that's what these people are doing, but it's giving them moments and opportunity to look at something a little bit differently. Or thinking you've got this great idea of how everything goes, but you've actually got no bloody idea. But the idea of having no bloody idea makes you get a better idea. A little roundabout, but that's the whole Clueless Confession thing. I think that what I'd love to be doing, and what we're going to explore through this podcast with everyone is, want to find out what are our most clueless... Well, the moments we think we're so clueless and we've got no idea, that either it's innate to us and we're smashing it, or we learn off the back of it.
Jayde (26:04):
My absolute aim for this podcast is to help other people. Resources and mistakes, one of the biggest things I hate in motivational stuff, and how to be a great worker and a great friend, "You do you." What the fuck does that mean? Like, "Believe in yourself." Once again, what does that mean? "Put it all out there, be energetic." What? I'm energetic, doesn't mean I'm going to win a client, they don't marry to me. What do you do? What should I be reading? What should I be listening to? Who do I talk to? What TV shows should I be watching, programs do I have? There are other things of how you learn how to do stuff as well, and how to be inspired. It's not just being like, "Believe in yourself."
Jayde (26:52):
I struggle with those, with that motivational outlook. And don't get me wrong, absolutely believe and understand that there's so many different things for different people. So I'm hoping that if you're like me and you don't live, laugh, learn, and love and drink a smoothie to feel Zen, you might want to listen to me. And have a chat to our people, and hear some of the things that we may do to help us move forward. Feel better, great, celebrate our successes, but also be super blunt and honest about the things that we fuck up as well.
Jayde (27:27):
So that is a wrap on podcast number one, introducing you a little bit more to me. Thank you so much for listening to Clueless Confessions, I hope you thoroughly enjoyed. And I would love to ask for you to rate, review, and subscribe so you can keep up to date with everything Clueless Confessions. And don't forget to follow us over at The Grey Consulting, and that's Grey with an E, over at Instagram and Facebook. Also, don't forget to go and check the show notes for resources from today's chat. There'll be links in there in regards to any of the medical professionals that I talked about. Some links there in regards to endometriosis, and a few other bits and pieces that you may need. I'm Jayde Balderston, and I will chat to you next time.